Call It Stormy Monday...

On Monday morning, KMHD decided to play a version of the Blues standard "Call It Stormy Monday (But Tuesday Is Just As Bad)." I have not heard that song in years. Not since in High School when Scott Faw used to sing it. I am pretty sure it was in the Moonlight Cellar Band repertoire. It seemed fitting given the weather on Monday, but coincidentally, it has been appropriate considering the week I have had.

Monday was fine for a while until a conversation with someone. I know this person has hurt me in the past, but it never felt as intentional when on this day she accused me of spreading rumors about her and making people not like her. This hurts deeply when I have done nothing but the opposite. For months, I have defended her, believed in her, not listened to rumors, tried to help her, and always do right by her. It hurt. Deeply.

Of course, "Tuesday is just as bad." The pain was still very deep, and I had to spend an hour with her at the desk. We barely said anything to each other. It was so unbearable, and I tried to ask how she was. She answered so softly that I detect anger or pain or both in her voice. I hate this situation so much. It is the exact opposite of what I want, and not even close to what I would settle for, or a fraction of what I need.

Then I had one thing I was looking for this week. Drinks with this other girl. On Tuesday evening, I tried to confirm the plans for Wednesday; she canceled. She was too busy. I wasn't mad at her because that would be silly, but I was hurt. It was a setback when I did not need one.

And of course, "Wednesday's worse." The day had the same aura of defeat. I wanted to spend the evening to myself, but I decided to go to Pub Quiz. Unfortunately, none of my teammates were there because they did not think I was going to be there. Pub Quiz is not any where as much fun alone. Although I performed well, it was not really a good experience. When I got home, I wanted to cry myself to sleep. It has been a truly painful week, but to make things better, I started to watch the Muppets.

"And Thursday is also sad." Today started off rough. I did not want to get out of bed, and I got a late start for work. I had to spend more time with her, and it is just so painful. I hate how much we have hurt each other. I want to make it better, but why should I be the one who always tries to make it better?

As someone yelled at me the day before "Move on!" I've tried, and I wish it was that easy. But when is life ever that easy? I just know what I want and what I miss. Someone even commented on the fact that she was giving me the cold shoulder? I did not talk about the situation because I do not want to start rumors. Not about her.

At least tomorrow is Friday. Hopefully, it will be better. A friend will be in town. And after all, "The eagle flies on Friday."